Did I build this ship to wreck?
Did I build this ship to wreck?
Studies show 80% of New Year’s resolutions fail, it’s time to dump these toxic pacts we make with ourselves and start enjoying our lives.
It’s Christmas, we made it. The collective sigh, or deep breath (deploy as you best see fit) as we journey forth past the festive period to the new year, the finish line is in sight and 2022 is almost over. Whether or not you’ve been graced with turkey, nut roast or the odd mince pie or two, thrown in with the glad tidings of the all too familiar family arguments, the inevitable moments of quiet reflection in between are sure to set in.
Questions such as “What have I achieved?”, “Where am I going?” and that old classic, “What are my New Year’s resolutions?” are all sold to us in this period in articles as an ‘opportunity’ to better ourselves. Even as I write this aboard a flight to Belfast the captain gets involved, joyously wishing us good luck with our New Year’s resolutions over the tannoy. It is seemingly inescapable.
I’ve often found the act of carving out New Year’s resolutions into some stone-like monolith to tower over our year a stark contrast to sweet peppy imagery of the “New Year, New Me’ sentiments. It is almost as unpalatable to me as those sickly sweet tasting flavoured syrups that you find in festive coffee drinks at this time of year. Entertained by the whimsical Christmas spirit of the ‘Gingerbread Latte’ or the ‘Praline Nut Mocha’ I am almost every year sucked into buying one, and almost every year I am left spewing out the resulting taste. Seemingly, I am forever destined to be shaking my fist, less so at the adverts, but more so at my inept failure for repeatedly buying into them. This is arguably the spirit in which many of us experience New Year’s resolutions, we enter with the good intentions and spirit but leave feeling sold an unfulfilled experience.
Simply put, New Year’s resolutions are just not for me, but then have many of our lives had any kind of normalcy to allow us to set our own goals in recent turbulent times. From Covid to the cost of living crisis, what is a normal year-by-year trajectory when trying to survive the unexpected? In 2019 I campaigned to free my mother from prison (unexpected), in 2020 I bunkered down through Covid like everyone else (unexpected) and in 2021 I was appreciating the here and now post-Covid (unexpected). Ultimately, 2022 has been the first year where from the start I could arguably lay in a course and set personal goals. Instead, those goals I loosely set myself in my own time during this year were quickly derailed to tackle my own personal addictions and to work through my past trauma as a child victim of domestic abuse, aspects of my life that for too long I’ve ignored to properly work through. The unexpected happens. I’m glad I’ve been confronted with facing down this inner work that I still continue today, however ultimately the dissatisfaction I feel for not achieving my goals still leaves a bad taste in my mouth when looking back. Has the last year been a failure? I, nor anyone else should feel this way should our goals/resolutions not be met. In reality every step we take is a step forward, just perhaps not in the direction we intended, New Year’s resolutions fail to teach us this.
If only the natural progression of our lives were as so simply cyclical as to review the past year and set out bullet points of our future goals, like a waypoints across a map that we set sail to meet. As we position the bows of our collective ships on the courses those of us now choose to set, readying to take the next voyage across the ocean that is another year in our lives, we are taught to believe that this is the way, this is how we grow: setting personal goals, striving to reach them and gaslighting anyone who dares bring up the ones we made zero attempt at achieving a year from now. Such is the voyage of the human condition, we are bound to lose sight of the course we’ve plotted and instead journey off into the unknown, even rocky and unsettling places in life. Those very waypoints we set out may not be visited in this crossing or the next, or even ever. However, we should strive to understand that this is not by any means a failure, it is a part of the exploration and journey itself, the makeup of our travels in a journey that colours our lives immeasurably more than the bland and the grey of our plans and goals.
Bin that newsletter or article telling you that now is the time to start making your New Year’s resolutions. Instead, make your own goals in your own time, embrace the chaos and greet the unexpected. Set sail knowing you cannot control everything and that it’s all part of the journey.
Do you find making New Year’s resolutions work? Are you making any resolutions this year? If so, let me know in the comments!
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